ebay, ding dongs & Bipolar French Canadians

Recently I sold an item on ebay, mostly it is a positive experience, (you never know what items will sell for) and sometimes you are pleasantly surprised.

And sometimes not.

After waiting several days for payment on some vintage GI Joe toys, I got this email from the whining (oops) winning bidder.

From the buyer: i am the winner of this ebay auction from you, really sorry for the delay, i was away. something came up and i will need a couple more days before i can send the money but don't worry, it will be sent. can you send me your address again, (why does he need my address? the payment is completed online...hmmm ) just to check if i have the right one, thanks and sorry again for the delay before getting back to you!

ME: How are you sending the money? I accept Paypal only. thanks Mariann

Buyer:"i really didn't see that your auction was paypal only, (all auctions are paypal only, but you can choose to take a money order if the buyers ASKS for it) i was to send a money order made in us funds, i always paid with those and never had any problems, if you don't mind, i would like to send a money order to finish this transaction and i am absolutely sorry for the inconvenients (sic) i am causing you right now, really sorry! (anytime they say they're really sorry twice, they don't mean it either time)

ME: No I cannot accept international money orders, Paypal only. Payment is due within 3 days, Mariann

Buyer: "may i ask why you can't accept a money order? it would really help me if you would. besides, it is not an international one, it is a Canadian one but made in U.S. funds "(since when is Canada part of the United states? oh yes, as Homer Simpson explains it Canada is "America Jr." lol)
" that you can cash at any bank." (really... well try to cash it at my credit union!)
"if you really, absolutely can't accept a money order, i will have to ask for more time. i do have a paypal account but there is no money in it" (now how was he going to pay for the money order if he had no money?)
"and i don't have a credit card, i will have to find out how to transfer it "(go to the bank and put the money in the account...bingo!)
"or i will have to wait for my brother (or his mothers neighbors hairdressers cats vet) to come back and i will ask him to pay for it with his credit card and he will be back approximately in a week. (yesterday it was a few days, today it is a week)

Me: My terms are clearly spelled out, Paypal only. I hope you can resolve this in a timely manner. Mariann

2 more emails from him, (which I deleted at the time), complaining how I didn't make it clear that I accepted paypal only, even though no other payment method is shown. Due to ebays rules only the paypal method is allowed to be shown. I waited a couple more days then opened a non-paying bidder case:

This case has been opened by the seller with the following reason: The buyer wants a payment method that I don't accept.
This was his reply:
"as i told you, i am taking care of it. at the moment, i am waiting for my brother to come back, like i told you, he will be back later this week. even waiting for him is faster than the money transfer to my paypal account" (how long does it take to put money in your account at a bank? 30 minutes or a week?). "i will keep you inform."
I then chose to close the case as I felt this would be nothing but trouble, not that it hadn't ALREADY been nothing but trouble...(ut oh there's that double negative, sorry!..wait is it a triple negative? that would mean 2 of them cancel each other out...hmmmm)

Then the buyer left me negative feedback!!
" NOT A REASONABLE PERSON AT ALL!!! DO NOT EVEN TRY TO DO BUSINESS WITH!!!WARNING!"

in response I left the following positive feedback for him-(Ebays new policy is that sellers can ONLY leave positive feedback even when the buyer does not pay for the item!!)
"He didn't pay for item! but the good news is it sold for even more the 2nd time".
Buyer then sent me this: : "if you were not happy with the selling price, you only had to tell me!!!! (was he peeved at the loss of some great items that sold for far less than what they would sell for individually?) it is not at all because i didn't want to pay the problem is much more from you (yes I want to get paid this decade, shame on me)!!!! you would have got your money for sure, i told you what was my problem (why has this become MY problem?..my new mantra.. NMP..not my problem). you are so unsure of yourself that you can't trust others (LOL) or the only thing you love in your life is the money (yes I love to pay my bills and have enough money to buy an occasional ding dong, .... do they make ding dongs anymore?....besides the human kind...) , be happy my friend!!!! (now we are friends??)

I didn't reply and of course he sent more emails.....

BUYER: by the way, i have never met any one as insulting as you (if I had a dime for every time someone has said that to me...) even in our first emails exchange the tone of your emails were insulting, (uh....when was i insulting? did I miss something? ut oh, can he read my mind??), what is it, you think you are better than every one, (well this may be true...oh no he CAN read my mind! ) every body else is wrong but you (ok this IS true...red face), you might want to try turning this around, give people a break!!! (this almost tops the letter I received in a Christmas card with payment from a buyer many years ago, which included a business card from his wife-a metaphysical psycho-therapist, who indicated she could "help me" channel my anger in 10 easy payments of 49.99, oops i mean cross country sessions... that was a real dozy! I still have that card if anyone needs it...)

Today I received the following:
"after a night of sleep my angryness(i don't know how to say i was was mad about the strike, without warning) passed. if you still agree, my brother is going to be back tomorrow, thursday" (a week has miraculously turned into tomorrow). "i could be making payment there. i would ask you to remove the strike ( he received an unpaid item strike from ebay) and i will remove the negative.(I am not sure he can remove it as ebays policiy is that once feedback is left it cannot be removed) i will need an answer in order to do this, please accept my apologies. i may be a lot of things but i am honest and this was an honest mistake and i am also asking for a credit card this week. a credit card will also be way cheaper than sending money orders all the time, so this is not a bad thing. sending money orders si $5.00 every time, multiply that $5.00 by my feedback(392)considerable savings here! please reply, thanks!"
(so I convinced him to get a credit card to pay for his auctions, he is feeling better, I am 131.00 short for this week & have a big fat negative (all in caps) a headache, and a bunch of G. I. Joe toys for sale..ok... so I didn't sell them for more money....yet....)
LOL.....I haven't responded, which given my fiery Aries nature was a sterling example of my patience with this buyer....i was tempted to exchange venom with him, however I decided to keep it as professional as possible. I mean if he thinks I am better than every one else, who am I to argue?